djblush

fuck you

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:03:37 GMT

I think about her pretty face
pressed against someone else's chest
the new lover always walks proud

I like to think I've figured it all out
I am dreaming up the answers
to these empty questions

I hate rejection I keep letting myself
down
pacing back and forth like a madman

whispering inaudible bullshit
chain smoking cigarettes an attempt
to keep my hands off her neck

do all humans have the urge to kill???

I wonder where she found the truth
if it was in my lies or was it always
in her mind?
none of this really matters because
now she will never be mine again

HATE

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 18:09:00 GMT

I sail on this boat of forgotten memories
where you left me shipwrecked and abandoned
I am no longer found in our world
a lost wanderer in this forest of disaster
I am a wicked ghost who haunts the shore
and hides in the curve of a wave
hoping to bend myself onto your body
to drag you down with me
the goddess lurking in my dreams
she drowns me in her stolen heart
I want to die in this love

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:18:48 GMT

i borrowed a stranger's life
and buried myself behind her eyes
all my lovers knew better than me
they said
its best if you forget her
move on and set it free
today i woke up next to a beautiful woman
i couldn't bring myself to wake her
from her peaceful sleep
so i held her closer
and pretended to be her dream
she is so soft and young
but my soul is too old
to give her what she needs
my heart is too cold
to be her warmth
i'd rather be here with her now
than alone

fuck you

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 04:58:52 GMT

the cycle returns to where it began

good morning

Wed, 06 May 2009 21:52:08 GMT

"good morning" she says

and I pretend to be asleep
a few more minutes of you and me

the madness escapes my lips
when I whisper to you
I lose grasp of reality
and run into a dream

this distance is my misery
I search in my heart
for memories of us

two lovers on the sea side
playing with the stars
spreading love across the ocean
embracing the goddess

I enter you and disappear
into a magical realm of light

I always wake up beside your ghost
and it makes me miss you in the mornings

is it obvious?

Tue, 20 May 2008 05:06:08 GMT

theres something about that night
something I saw in her eyes
that even strangers could see
what does that mean
we were in the bathroom
and I walked up to her
my first thought was to wrap my arms
around her but I knew i couldn't
so I just stood really close to her
to see if she would notice and when she turned
i smiled
and she gazed into my eyes
in that moment nobody else existed
then the girl next to us in line said
"are you two in love"
and I turned with a look of shock and
felt blood rushing to my face
and I said what?
she looked at me i looked at her
and said they just asked if we were in love?
we both looked confused but we couldn't answer
a yes or no?
they laughed and apologized if it was an awkward situation
but they asked when the marriage date was?
we both said we hadn't figured that out
if we were together?
and that we looked beautiful together and we made a beautiful couple we laughed and blushed thanked them for the compliments
final thing said was we would make beautiful babies lol
after they walked away we couldn't stop laughing
and we were extremely confused all i could think of is how they knew
we knew it but we were reminded

now it would be great and would be wonderful
if she was with me
but she wasn't my girlfriend as a matter of fact
my girlfriend was in the other room
this really is beyond comprehension...
beyond logic
wtf?

....

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:23:00 GMT

I'm trying really hard to make the best decision and I'm not sure what to do exactly do I stay or do I go?
what am I so afraid of?

and so we fall again to rise

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:44:44 GMT

mornings are dreadful
and the sun hides behind grey clouds
I never want to wake up again
if I cant be here
I'll stay inside my head
dreaming of death
this beauty kills me underneath
I breathe tragedies and fall asleep
here we are young and lively
my face hiding in
the shadow of my nightmares
I'll burn you down with
this candle and wick
until my eyes open

thoughts and reflections

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 17:33:27 GMT

down goes the boat

sinking into the ocean of chaos

waves crashing

time freezes

and I float toward a new world

jung

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:37:55 GMT

I said to myself one day as I woke up from my seemingly insane dreams
what is it ? what is my mind trying to say?
something funny occurred in the events following I found myself seeing mysterious signs hidden in places for me to find calling to me
and a voice told me to read about this man a voice that has been life changing to me life lessons have been taught to me by this person and in rileys term shes my pandoras box but ive opened it and another funny yet ironic thing happened
I felt free all that was lost is now found
so Ive dissected and analyzed my dreams according to jungs psychology
and in doing so discovered the shadow lol now I am no psychologist
but I have to say after reading and reading and reading some more of jungian psych and mythology occultism symbolism and dreaming of mandalas i think that Mr. jung and I have a lot in common in fact I believe something much larger then anyone knows is going to happen and I will be the one to prove it
I am saying this now in the next several months you will not be seeing me but another person and you will be glad for I am morey I'm ready because I finally know who I am and how I got here
riley you are the most important one you will help me and you are helping me now I hope you know that I love you

the one

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 16:29:22 GMT

She was the one with sweet intentions of love
But I fell from a tree and hit my head
my memories of her are dead
the leaves fell into her heart
they hit so hard it split in two....

home

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 20:33:05 GMT

recently i visited a place i never thought id see again
I may be scared of everything thats surrounding me but thats doesnt mean im not excited
about it i think for the first time in a long time I can say i'm happy
i fell in love all over again in ways i thought were impossible

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 03:00:07 GMT

lately i've been wondering what to do with myself I just want to paint my life away every corner of it which is funny because I cant
Ive been getting into trouble thats not like me I feel myself slipping away and theres nothing to stop it?
so am i going to spiral into the cycle i fear the most?
or am i going to slide of track into another direction?
am i meant to be here in this place i call home?
what is home exactly?
i dont like who I am and who I'm becoming i feel the monsters out of its cage?
what to do?
and
all this love and pain shes beautiful and it terrifies me
bittersweet in so many ways
the past still haunts me and stays in parts of me
I'm invisible and mute locked in a box
all these people pulling and poking laughing
and my tears are a reward
what to do with life I ask?
Im not anything like i used to be
Im self destructive and its getting worse each day
so somehow some way we all have to find our way
I'm sorry i cant be perfect.......

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:53:19 GMT

I cant stop thinking about her I keep thinking what if? why am I still stuck in this? Id give anything to have that back..........

reflection

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 21:29:08 GMT

I panic as it breaks in two
it cracks flat
in half
pieces of me under your shoe
burnt and beaten
challenged by the demons
to follow you
footprints leaving a clue
what am I to do?
I bend into shapes
licking my wounds
to escape....
escape
my fate of crossing the
bridge to meet a stranger like you

mom

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 17:08:28 GMT

I sent a letter of hope
titled
sender unknown
i said goodbye
goodbye
wish you knew better
but its too late
to cross over
we're on different sides

you're waiting to tell a lie
just to find an answer
why?
i wish you knew better
but its far away
you're just full of hate
ready to cause me pain
and steal my love to
replace with your rage
caught in the winds
stormy it begins
to tear at the seams exposing
everything
i never wanted you to see
every word i kept
spilled out in tears
from eyes that weren't mine
i laugh pretending it doesn't hurt
when mothers lie to make daughters cry
it doesn't hurt to pretend
you said it will be best if you forget

i said goodbye
goodbye
wish you knew better
but you never replied

falling

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 19:18:30 GMT

falling in love felt like
drowning in a thousand waterfalls
I remember smelling your hair
and the color of your eyes
staring out the window
making plans to runaway
you even asked if you could marry me
and I laughed at the thought
I wanted to climb into your arms
and scream
instead I said maybe if we're lucky
we'll travel the world and eat like queens

I hide tiny pieces of you in my heart
hoping they'll never fall apart
lately thats all I have
just pieces to save and hide
pieces to give me time
but I picture you with another girl
happy and free
like we used to be
I stay close to wait and hope
sometimes I regret
leaving without a kiss
goodbye
I pretend its still me and you
wandering in the night
sometimes i just sit and cry
and really I should have said yes
but I had no reply

broken bridge

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 23:58:07 GMT

last night I was in a dream
trying to stop
a bridge from falling
I knew I'd never make it
in time
I ran as fast as I could toward the end
it collapsed in the middle
burying me inside the cement
my heart turned cold
hard as stone
I forced myself to uncover you
I read the lines you wrote me
over and over
trying to see if I missed a word
you were hidden deep
underneath all the silence
behind my lies
you were all alone
trying not to cry
I was standing in a corner
watching your eyes
I never told you
that I wanted you
to be mine
I just buried your face
far away until today
I remembered
I remembered everything
has changed
and its something I can't
replace
I remembered it was too late

love

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 20:06:52 GMT

xiang-nian ni

marssssssssssssssssssss voltttttttaaaaaa <3

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 21:24:24 GMT

I left you a box of wishes
somewhere
I misplaced them in my fears
she whispered
somehow you were always right
when you said
"you'll never be like me"
I'm not cold or bitter
just broken inside
that's why I hide

she always put a cigarette in her mouth
when she couldn't figure something out
questions with no answer
screams echoing around the house
I feel like a ghost walking
invisible when your around

I fought my way out of it
clinching tightly in my hand that tiny box
full of all my hopes and dreams
is it safe?
is it safe?
she asked
I cut off the ribbon around it
to see if it was real
and when I opened the lid
all i saw was the bottom
of an empty box

mystery...

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 03:41:52 GMT

There is only you
here to remind me
who I am
If I could carry the pain
for you I would
take it far away...

Instead I hold it inside
keeping you safe from the monster
that haunts me
sometimes I lie awake
scared to dream
afraid to see ...

I know what you hide
behind your fierce eyes
I see the tears fall
when they aren't there
I'll cry them for you
I could tell you I'm sorry
but words wont show you
my love
not even this will make you see
where I'm coming from
so I'll pray that someday you'll
see me more for who I am now
instead of who I was
forgive me...

home sick..

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:52:29 GMT

I'd give everything to be home in that cold snow
its so plain here and warm you would think I'd like it?
but it doesn't smell the same here as it does there

I've been dreaming lately of someone new
maybe it was a stranger
or was it you
searching for me too?
did you find me waiting in an old dream
desperate to be seen
well no doubt it was me
wandering the familiar scene
counting on a missing piece
to lead you back here
I always try to make it real
when I see its you
next to me
I always seem to be awake
even when I'm asleep
I beg for it to stay inside
my mind where we can hide
but I always open my eyes
to find its a lie

love

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 23:34:28 GMT

she came round the corner with angry eyes
I felt a scratch in my throat
as she approached
I know the story that follows
no glory for the hollow

some days we drift toward the light
we might slip and fall during the night

I wish I could crawl out of my mind
and be safe from all these lies
but even if i try
we couldn't stop the clouds
from raining on us now
yes the weather has a story
its sharing our fears
drowning in its tears
my face looks like the moon
when I'm next to you
I glow in the dark
until you burn me out
with stormy doubt
no stars to shine
under this cloud of mine
I say goodnight
goodnight my angry eyes
sing me a lullaby
until the rain stops falling
down
sing to me and let me drown

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 05:29:50 GMT

a nightmare-

I haven't been to this place in a while
I'm afraid to go back...
I forgot what it feels like
I miss being home
I miss the smell...

the taste..
the sounds...

I can't get it here
I want to feel cold again
to be close
but I'm no where
just sleeping and pretending
not to wake up
my chest rises and falls
I seem to be alive
then why cant I survive?

seems predictable you say..
dreaming to believe I would stay

sleeping isn't for me
why waste it on a dream?

she wrote across my heart
pressing harder to tear me apart
a lost letter
to spell out and see
I had hope you would remember me
walking down to your room
a stranger calling to find what you keep
you replied saying it's buried deep
she cried falling on grass and leaves
buried right inside my life
always come back for a treat
she said
I make believe I have the courage
to stay but really my hearts ready to leap
out and away
far into your gaze