I think about her pretty face
pressed against someone else's chest
the new lover always walks proud

I like to think I've figured it all out
I am dreaming up the answers
to these empty questions

I hate rejection I keep letting myself
down
pacing back and forth like a madman

whispering inaudible bullshit
chain smoking cigarettes an attempt
to keep my hands off her neck

do all humans have the urge to kill???

I wonder where she found the truth
if it was in my lies or was it always
in her mind?
none of this really matters because
now she will never be mine again

I sail on this boat of forgotten memories
where you left me shipwrecked and abandoned
I am no longer found in our world
a lost wanderer in this forest of disaster
I am a wicked ghost who haunts the shore
and hides in the curve of a wave
hoping to bend myself onto your body
to drag you down with me
the goddess lurking in my dreams
she drowns me in her stolen heart
I want to die in this love

i borrowed a stranger's life
and buried myself behind her eyes
all my lovers knew better than me
they said
its best if you forget her
move on and set it free
today i woke up next to a beautiful woman
i couldn't bring myself to wake her
from her peaceful sleep
so i held her closer
and pretended to be her dream
she is so soft and young
but my soul is too old
to give her what she needs
my heart is too cold
to be her warmth
i'd rather be here with her now
than alone

the cycle returns to where it began

"good morning" she says

and I pretend to be asleep
a few more minutes of you and me

the madness escapes my lips
when I whisper to you
I lose grasp of reality
and run into a dream

this distance is my misery
I search in my heart
for memories of us


two lovers on the sea side
playing with the stars
spreading love across the ocean
embracing the goddess

I enter you and disappear
into a magical realm of light

I always wake up beside your ghost
and it makes me miss you in the mornings

theres something about that night
something I saw in her eyes
that even strangers could see
what does that mean
we were in the bathroom
and I walked up to her
my first thought was to wrap my arms
around her but I knew i couldn't
so I just stood really close to her
to see if she would notice and when she turned
i smiled
and she gazed into my eyes
in that moment nobody else existed
then the girl next to us in line said
"are you two in love"
and I turned with a look of shock and
felt blood rushing to my face
and I said what?
she looked at me i looked at her
and said they just asked if we were in love?
we both looked confused but we couldn't answer
a yes or no?
they laughed and apologized if it was an awkward situation
but they asked when the marriage date was?
we both said we hadn't figured that out
if we were together?
and that we looked beautiful together and we made a beautiful couple we laughed and blushed thanked them for the compliments
final thing said was we would make beautiful babies lol
after they walked away we couldn't stop laughing
and we were extremely confused all i could think of is how they knew
we knew it but we were reminded

now it would be great and would be wonderful
if she was with me
but she wasn't my girlfriend as a matter of fact
my girlfriend was in the other room
this really is beyond comprehension...
beyond logic
wtf?

I'm trying really hard to make the best decision and I'm not sure what to do exactly do I stay or do I go?
what am I so afraid of?

mornings are dreadful
and the sun hides behind grey clouds
I never want to wake up again
if I cant be here
I'll stay inside my head
dreaming of death
this beauty kills me underneath
I breathe tragedies and fall asleep
here we are young and lively
my face hiding in
the shadow of my nightmares
I'll burn you down with
this candle and wick
until my eyes open

down goes the boat

sinking into the ocean of chaos

waves crashing

time freezes

and I float toward a new world

I said to myself one day as I woke up from my seemingly insane dreams
what is it ? what is my mind trying to say?
something funny occurred in the events following I found myself seeing mysterious signs hidden in places for me to find calling to me
and a voice told me to read about this man a voice that has been life changing to me life lessons have been taught to me by this person and in rileys term shes my pandoras box but ive opened it and another funny yet ironic thing happened
I felt free all that was lost is now found
so Ive dissected and analyzed my dreams according to jungs psychology
and in doing so discovered the shadow lol now I am no psychologist
but I have to say after reading and reading and reading some more of jungian psych and mythology occultism symbolism and dreaming of mandalas i think that Mr. jung and I have a lot in common in fact I believe something much larger then anyone knows is going to happen and I will be the one to prove it
I am saying this now in the next several months you will not be seeing me but another person and you will be glad for I am morey I'm ready because I finally know who I am and how I got here
riley you are the most important one you will help me and you are helping me now I hope you know that I love you